In the course of our lives, our weaker self puts the brakes on quite a few things. It ensures that we either don't even start doing things or let them slide after a short time and stick to old patterns, even though we long so much for a better life.
In this article, I want to talk about how we can ease the initial hurdle on the path to coaching from the outset and why we are sometimes so sluggish.
Have you seen the graph of our motivation over the course of a year?
It looks something like this for most people:
That's right, isn't it? December and January are our most resolute months full of motivation, conviction and willpower. Followed by 10 months of a guilty conscience and a persistent longing for a better life, accompanied by complete overwhelm, because we don't know how to do it or it becomes an almost impossible task to keep going in a jam-packed life.
At the beginning of every year, we are bombarded with numerous instructions for our personal change management system that show us how to overcome our weaker self, including things like setting realistic and specific goals, concrete scheduling and removing obstacles.
And here we go. On the sofa, all the motivational speeches about changing your diet, starting a jogging program or the ultimate love affair almost read themselves and the motivation to put all this into practice is huge. We are convinced that we can do everything on our own with ease - and then it's February and our lives overtake us.
At this point, we ideally remember another recommendation from the guide to implementing all good intentions. The most effective support in realizing your aspirations: find a coach!
Unfortunately, this is where the difficulties start again, because here, too, our weaker self gets in our way. It turns the path to coaching into a real battle of fatigue. Although we have our goals in mind and are willing to get support, we can't bring ourselves to make an appointment.
But before we talk about how you can finally treat yourself to the help of a coach, despite your stubborn inertia, and perhaps even make your inertia a little more willing to compromise, let's start with some theory to understand why this hurdle is so high.
Are we just lazy, or is our goal not important enough to us?
Yes, sometimes it's one or the other, and sometimes it's both, but mainly it's influenced by our biology. All of our brains are lazy by nature and designed to be economical with their resources, i.e. to save energy. That's why the elevator is closer to us than the stairs, the sofa more tempting than jogging shoes and old habits more appealing than new behaviors.
Every new behavior that we first have to learn and practice costs energy, and not too little of it. So none of this is in line with our genetic programming.
Our brain doesn't do anything voluntarily and goes into overdrive when we even think about changing existing routines, making it very difficult for us to implement our resolutions.
We now know that it takes 66 days to establish new habits. And that doesn't mean just thinking about jogging for 66 days, but actually doing it for 66 days. Only then do the chances increase that our brain will be convinced that this is now our new hobby and is as much a part of us as lazy Sunday mornings used to be.
And what applies to jogging also applies to all other changes: it takes time and perseverance. It takes confidence in yourself that you can do it, even if it gets tough, and a certain basic trust that things can actually turn out well and that we are safe and loved, even if we experience disappointments.
Now new habits, where you can see the desired change more quickly, are easier to stick to. So things like a more toned figure, less tiredness or a lighter attitude to life; things where we also receive quick feedback from the outside.
However, if we are working on personality issues such as clearer communication, a more positive attitude to life or defining our self-worth, sticking to it can be a much bigger challenge, because you only notice changes at second glance and rarely get feedback from outsiders.
Whether it's sport, nutrition or our beliefs and behavioral patterns, it has been proven that we last longer when we are not alone. The support of a group or even just one other person keeps us motivated and is more promising.
It is now quite easy to sign up for group training sessions or cooking classes when doing sport or improving your diet, and this already has the desired supportive effect. For most people, personality work is probably a little different.
Dropping our mental pants in a group session and talking about our innermost struggles is probably not our first choice. Instead, we prefer the privacy of togetherness with very good friends, therapists or coaches.
Sometimes we find it really difficult to get there. We can come up with a thousand arguments as to why the search for a coach is completely inappropriate right now and doesn't fit in with our concept.
Here is a list of such mindfucks, with no guarantee of completeness:
- there's certainly no one near me
- the journey is certainly super inconvenient
- What if the coach thinks I'm stupid?
- what if I find the coach unappealing
- My issues are unimportant anyway
- I'm sure I'll have to wait forever for an appointment
- it will certainly be extremely stressful
- I don't even know what to say
- it's super expensive and won't help
Does this sound familiar to you? Rest assured, we're all similar and that's completely normal and okay. So at this point, briefly acknowledge that you've at least come this far in dealing with your needs and the possible help that coaching can provide.
Sometimes you have to work your way into coaching. It's about creating enough certainty in advance through sufficient preparation.
So before you throw everything away again and don't set off on the path to your desires, consider the following points, then the first step won't be so overwhelming:
How important is the topic?
How important is your issue to you? How much suffering do you feel? How often have you tried on your own and failed?
It is much easier to go to coaching if you are aware of the urgency of your issue. If the desire for change is lukewarm, no one will get going and the arguments against coaching that we tell ourselves will spread and take root.
However, if our conviction and desire is strong, we are open to help and can outsmart our sluggish brain more easily.
So deal with your issue and ask yourself the following questions:
- On a scale of 0 - 10, how much does the issue plague me?
- How would I feel if my issue suddenly disappeared?
- What would suddenly be possible if the issue disappeared in one fell swoop?
- What kind of party would I have if I had resolved the issue?
If it turns out that you are at 10 on the pain scale, you would feel more liberated and energized than ever without the issue and suddenly a new you would be possible that you would celebrate with confetti and champagne, a visit to the coach would be highly recommended.
If, on the contrary, it turns out that you have absolutely no passion for solving the issue and it ranks somewhere below 3 on the pain scale, then don't bother. Only then should you throw the issue into the "unimportant" pile and stop wasting energy on it.
Is it the right person?
With so many coaches on offer these days, it's essential to find someone you enjoy talking to. Because at the end of the day, that's what coaching is all about - talking. And the easiest way to do that is to trust the coach and make it easy for you to talk about your issues in a relaxed manner.
Sympathy is a very important aspect here that cannot be forced or ignored. Our intuition lets us know in the first few minutes whether we can work with the person. This applies in both directions, i.e. also for the coach. If we don't feel comfortable with the client, this is reflected in our work and we don't work as freely and well as we perhaps could.
When choosing a coach, the nature of your topic can also play a role and it can be helpful to be accompanied by someone who has experience with your personal topic.
In principle, a good coach should be able to coach any topic and it is not necessary for the coach to have been affected by the topic themselves (this is sometimes even less effective) or to coach a large number of clients on exactly one topic. The principle here is that every client is different and that the ostensibly same topic is always anchored differently.
In any case, the advantage of specialized coaches is their experience in dealing with the topic-specific tools that can be used in process support.
Therefore, use opportunities such as social media appearances, websites and testimonials to find out more about the coach and get a first impression of them and their work.
And if the interpersonal level or the coaching approach is not right in the end, you can communicate this and end the further collaboration with mutual appreciation for what you have already experienced - just like adults do!
What is the right setting?
What conditions do you need for a good conversation? From a purely technical point of view, coaching can be done in different ways, there are no fixed or absolutely necessary external conditions.
What is important here is that an empathic and appreciative coach focuses on you, not the other way around!
Coaching can take place in a practice, in nature, online via a PC or even over the phone. There are 1:1 coaching sessions, group coaching sessions, memberships or even WhatsApp support.
Depending on your type and disposition, different conditions may apply to you, so feel inside yourself and find out how you would like to start.
For example, if your favorite coach is hundreds of kilometers away, don't force yourself to make the exhausting journey, but ask for an online setting.
How do I manage the financial side?
Yes, coaches also want to be able to make a living from their job and the serious ones among us also invest in their own training and development over the course of their work.
So coaching costs money, but you can't generally say that what costs a lot will certainly help. There are many different options when it comes to the cost structure of coaching services, so you should pay close attention to your financial resources.
And again, just because a coach charges high prices doesn't mean that they are the best on the market or for your needs. Their marketing simply works better than others.
Many coaches also offer great free added value on social media, via newsletters or so-called freebies on their homepage. It is worth taking advantage of this offer, as it can already achieve a lot.
In some cases, it may also be worth asking authorities such as the employment office, social welfare office or daily sickness benefits insurance, for example, whether the costs will be covered in full or in part under certain conditions. There are even coaches on the Swiss market who are recognized by health insurance companies and therefore the costs are covered in accordance with the relevant insurance option.
And that takes you over the first hurdle. You have already familiarized yourself with the topic of coaching by reading my blog article and dealing with the aspects mentioned and helped your brain to get used to the idea. It is no longer surprised when it comes into contact with the topic more and more and is already prepared.
And last but not least, the same applies here as everywhere else: There is only one way to find out!
Our success comes from doing, because we can't think our life, we have to experience it. Don't let your brain rule your life, you are the adults in your own life.
Well, maybe you'd like to find out if we like each other and if you'd like to work with me. Take a look at my Insta channel (martinabraun_official) or have a look at my homepage (www.martinabraun.ch).
I look forward to seeing you!
